December 2011
49 posts
it’s New Year in four hours. and i still can’t decide whether to go to the party and spend time with drunk so-called friends or stay home and purge my guts out.
people are shit. but so am I. so whatever
earthquake
it’s fucking scary when you wake up because all the furniture in your room is tottering.
i like the way i live now. the secret is not to give a single fuck about anything. no feelings, no concerns. i’m young and free and i do whatever i want.
well let’s see what i’ll say when i quit taking prozac.
Radiohead - Lucky
it’s way too beautiful
Anonymous asked: What's your name?
105-lbss asked: how tall are you?
it’s funny how i thought i wouldn’t survive if she left. but it took one day to stop caring. one day to forget a person i had been writing about for a year. i’m not complaining but it does scare me, it wasn’t supposed to be like that. obviously, i’m unable to love anybody. being attached to someone because you’re addicted to suffering and they make you suffer...
Anonymous asked: I love your posts. You write what I think. Stay strong Hun xx
being obsessed with sex is as horrible as being obsessed with food or starving. that’s how my mind works, it always needs an obsession, something to constantly think about. i hate when i can’t get what i want. i really fucking hate it.
anthrophobic asked: How are you doing tonight, lovely?
my friend says that i’m too thin for him and i need to gain weight. haha are you fucking kidding me?
maybe i’m sick or it’s just a side effect of prozac. i don’t know
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Tatu - They not gonna get us
a song from my...
manatsu:
t.A.T.u-All the Things She Said
i am...
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“friends with benefits” is the only type of relationships i need now. a guy who can share my interests and listen to my nagging, somebody to talk to, somebody to have fun with so it’s not only about sex but mostly about it. i don’t care what people think of me anymore. i’m done trying to hide my feelings and desires. i’m done pretending i am not a human....
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people don’t like me. they don’t want my mind, my soul nor even my body. i feel like i’m cursed. they think i’m too weird and fucked up. hell yes this is what i am. fucked up insane bitch. they don’t want to have any relationships with me. probably i am too ugly or fat or whatever. nobody has ever loved me. nobody has ever said i want to be with you. never. well fine,...
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my mind is disgusted with sex, my body wants it. i hate these desires, i really hate them. actually my mind is okay with sex with girls but everybody is so stright here. why are simple things so hard for me?
it’s -25 degrees outside today. so fucking cold. russian climate makes me want to kill myself
i regret that i cut my arms that hard yesterday. it wasn’t worth it.
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i’m fine, i mean alive. skipping school again. i cried so much yesterday that i feel nothing today. i’m calm and numb and i like it. i should stop taking 8 pills of prozac instead of 2. or i shouldn’t. i don’t know
i want to die. that’s all
she left. it is happy and strong. and the only way to endure the pain is to let it in my heart and soul and become someone else. someone cold and cruel, someone who can’t feel. that’s all i want now.
if she leaves i will never be myself again. it will get what it wants and it will be happy, it will exult and it will be stronger than ever and i will be too weak to resist and then it will turn me into a monster and there will be no way back. i don’t want to become this, i don’t want to be a monster. please, save me, i beg, please
anxiety attack
i’m shaking. i’m scared i don’t know of what. and i have a bloodshot eye. prozac doesn’t help
i can’t even binge because food makes me sick. and i can’t enjoy watching Harry Potter because.. i don’t know why, i just can’t watch anything. i can only stare at the wall. i’ve ruined everything. i try to correct the situation somehow but the truth is i don’t see the point. i have mental problems. who wants to date somebody with mental problems? my...
i feel empty. i don’t know what i want anymore. i don’t know who i am anymore. the urges to cut are so strong. why do i feel good only when i shred myself into pieces?
i’m drawing. for the first time in ages.
i’ve destroyed myself completely. it can’t be compared with things i do to my body. it’s much worse, much more painful. i betrayed my soul. i found the most sophisticated way to punish myself for loving somebody. the monster inside of me couldn’t bear that i loved somebody that much, that i didn’t pay enough attention to it anymore, it hated that i was happy. but it...
i don’t know how to live with this pain inside.
i don’t know anybody as disgusting as i am. i am shaking. my cuts are bleeding.
i’ve ruined everything. i want to die. i want to cry my eyes out but i can’t. i’m just physically unable to cry.
i have an idea, it’s so sick. i’m so sick. and i don’t care about the consequences. i have nothing to lose anyway. i’m a horrible person but i don’t give a fuck. actually i like the idea so much because it’s bad and sick. i haven’t done bad things for ages, i miss the satisfaction that they bring.
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